Solution For Rabid Steelers Fan: Move To Detroit

While Terry O'Neill recovers in the hospital, I'd like to offer a goodwill gesture.

Come on over to Little D, Terry -- our football team is easier on your heart.

O'Neill, 50, is the gentleman who suffered a heart attack moments after his beloved Jerome Bettis fumbled near the goal line late in the Pittsburgh Steelers' 21-18 win over the Indianapolis Colts in an AFC Divisional game Sunday. He is currently recovering in a hospital. He will have a pacemaker implanted to control an irregular heartbeat and he was prescribed medication to deal with the hypertension.

Here's another way to deal with football hypertension, Terry: shift your allegiance to a team whose bar is far lower than your Steelers.

So Bettis fumbles, nearly blowing the game for his team, and this guy O'Neill blows out an aorta? Pleeeease! Here in Detroit, such a play would be cause for another swig of beer, maybe a curse word, but never, ever anything remotely resembling surprise, let alone enough stress to provoke a heart attack.

O'Neill told the Associated Press Bettis is his hero.

"I wasn't upset that the Steelers might lose," he said. "I was upset because I didn't want to see him end his career like that. A guy like that deserves better. I guess it was a little too much for me to handle."

Again, Terry, move to Detroit. You'll see, on a weekly basis, enough fumbles, dropped passes, questionable play calling to harden your heart -- but not your arteries. You'll experience brand new ways to lose football games that you never dreamed were possible. You'll be so insulated from the rigors and anxiety of the playoffs that you would get a new lease on life, to go along with your new pacemaker.

I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine any Lions fan having a heart attack if he saw the football squirt out of Kevin Jones' arms and onto the turf near the goal line. In 2004, the Lions lost to the Vikings because they could not execute a proper snap for an extra point. And did anyone drop off their barstool, or keel over on their sofa? No! We are toughened here in Lionstown. Such folly -- we sniff at it. We stare football death in the face and laugh, if you want to know.

O'Neill, for his part, credits two firefighters with saving him.

"The Steelers won the game and I'm still alive, so I guess I'm doing pretty good," he said.

But not nearly as good if you pulled a switcheroo and became a Lions fan, Terry. We can guarantee you a long, full life.

Now if the Lions ever make it to a Super Bowl, all bets are off. THAT'S when you'll see your heart attacks in this town.