If The Lions Hire A Hog, I'll Be A Pig In Slop

If the Lions do what NFL and team sources say they're going to do, I'll be in Hog Heaven.

The Lions reportedly are going to talk to Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line coach Russ Grimm, maybe as early as this evening, about being their new head coach. The buzz is that Grimm may be hired as soon as the Steelers' season ends, which may not be until February 5 in Detroit.

Grimm was one of the Washington Redskins "Hogs", those offensive linemen who played smashmouth football and opened gaping holes for various runners in the 1980's and early 90's. Whether the ball carrier was John Riggins or Kelvin Bryant or George Rogers or Earnest Byner, it didn't matter. In fact, you probably could have suited up your Aunt Gertie and she could have made four or five yards with the amount of real estate The Hogs cleared.

Grimm was taught offensive line play from Jim Hanifan in Washington, who was a sort of a guru in things such as pancaking your man and driving him backward. Grimm's head coach for most of his career was Joe Gibbs. He won Super Bowls and went to Pro Bowls. Of course, so did Lions president Matt Millen, but Grimm isn't being asked to be team president. He is a candidate for head coach.



Grimm as a Redskin Hog


Grimm intrigues me because one of the greatest frustrations in watching the Lions try to master the game of football recently has been the ineptitude of the offensive line. Their front five couldn't push a rolling chair backward, frankly. This utter inability to create even the tiniest of holes has contributed greatly to the team having records such as 5-11 and 6-10, or worse. That and the lack of creativity in the play calling, of course. I have never worn a silver whistle around my neck or written plays on a chalkboard for a living, but it seems to me that if your offensive line is that weak, wouldn't you try more quick passes or roll your quarterback out on plays inside the opponent's five yard line? Apparently nobody on the Lions staff possessed such acumen. And that's why they all have to go -- Dick Jauron included.

The knock on Grimm is that he didn't interview well -- whatever that means -- in his two previous head coaching candidacies: Chicago in 2004 and Cleveland last year. He has never been a coordinator, as if that is the only job that qualifies you as a head coach. But he has been the Steelers offensive line coach since 2000 -- six seasons under Bill Cowher. That shows me that: a) you must know what you're doing to remain in one role for six years, especially when you're sending players to the Pro Bowl, and b) you probably have learned a thing or two about head coaching, hanging around Cowher that long.

Let me tell you something about Bill Cowher. He has done something nothing short of extraordinary: he has replaced a legend and stuck around. Cowher took over the Steelers in 1992 after Chuck Noll retired, and is now finishing his 14th season as head coach in Pittsburgh. So if Russ Grimm comes from that lineage, he's okay in my book.

I have said repeatedly that I would like the Lions' next head coach to be an offensive guy, which flies in the face of conventional wisdom, according to people who seem to think you have to go defense when you pick a head coach. But to me, that's why God, or George Halas (I can't remember which) created defensive coordinators. And if the Lions' new guy is someone who knows a thing or two about driving people off the ball and creating some running room and providing pass protection, then all the better.

Grimm even looks like a Detroiter. This is a shot-and-beer, blue collar town. Gritty. Not much finesse. And these recent Lions teams have fit the image of the city like a frilly tutu on Hulk Hogan.

Speaking of the Hulkster, maybe Grimm can bring him along as his Intimidation Coach.

The Lions might hire a Hog. You know what I say?

Suuuuueeeeyyy!