Things That Former Avalanche Players (and coaches) Are Doing Nowadays
7. Marc Crawford (coach): in addition to his duties as coach of the Los Angeles Kings, Crawford (who famously jawed with Red Wings coach Scotty Bowman during the '97 playoffs) is slated to star in the upcoming Michael J. Fox Story, playing Fox.
6. Uwe Krupp (defenseman and dog sledder): landed small role in new Brady Bunch series in the remake of that episode where that guy tries to bilk the Bradys out of money by wearing a fake neck brace. Originally played so well by Jackie Coogan.
5. Curtis Leschyshyn (defenseman): has made a good living off the royalties of his surname being the only name in the world that rhymes with "precision"
4. Sandis Ozolinsh (defenseman): donated his name to the nation's police, who now ask suspected drunk motorists to say it as part of a sobriety test. *Note* It's a trick question, because even sober people can't pronounce it without slurring.
3. Mike Ricci (forward): appears in sideshows during the off-season as The World's Ugliest Hockey Player.
2. Claude Lemieux (forward and coward): is national spokesperson for new line of Hanes turtleneck shirts
1. Patrick Roy (arrogant, hot dog goalie): returned to school and recently finished third grade, but not before being suspended for challenging fellow third grader to fight at "3:30 p.m. sharp behind the old Miller barn"
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