(on most Thursdays at OOB, I rant in list fashion. Last week it was Things I'd Like To Add To My "Bucket List")
Things That Roger Clemens Also Said Under Oath At His Recent Congressional Hearing
1. "I thought it was a rabies vaccine"
2. "I'm 'The Rocket', so I need alternative fuels"
3. "If you played in New York, you'd inject yourself with some stuff, too!"
4. "Steroids? Are you kidding me? Steroids? You wanna talk about steroids? STEROIDS? I just hope I can live another day!"
5. "No -- YOU'RE out of order! YOU'RE out of order! This whole HEARING is out of order!"
6. "Andy Pettitte double-dog-dared me"
7. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my new job as Barry Bonds's stunt double"
8. "I know it sounds crazy, but I swear I saw Brian McNamee's nose growing a few minutes ago"
9. "STEROIDS?? I could have sworn he asked me if I wanted ALTOIDS"
10. "If you drop this right now, you're all invited to my Hall of Fame Induction party at the house"
2 comments:
Clemens: You want answers?
Congressmen: I think I'm entitled to them.
Clemens: You want answers?
Congressmen: I want the truth!
Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has batters. And those batters have to be pitches to by men with balls. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Congressmen? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Ramon Santiago and you curse the Yankees. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Ramon Santiago's bat, while weak, probably saved games. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins games...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at your Capitol parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound.
We use words like HGH, PED, 'roids...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a game. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps while I'm working out, then questions the manner in which I win! I'd rather you just said 'thank you' and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and stand in the box. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
Congressmen: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: (quietly) I did the job you better than you.
Congressmen: Did you order the steroids?
Clemens: You're goddamn right I did!
OMG....that is SO freaking good and funny! Awesome stuff!
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