Sunday, February 05, 2006

Super! My Top XL

These NFL games with Roman numerals, I have a love/hate relationship with them. For example, I love that the Super Bowl came to Detroit. I also hate that the Super Bowl came to Detroit. Too many out-of-towners. Too much stuff going on. My boss at MCS Magazine could have split himself into 10, like an amoeba, and still not attended all the functions and goings on that this football game is offering up. But I suppose it has done more good than harm -- unless you are an automobile, or the bottoms of shoes.

This is because I love the fact that Pittsburgh Steelers running back Jerome Bettis is coming home to play in the Super Bowl. And I hate the fact that Pittsburgh Steelers running back Jerome Bettis is coming home to play in the Super Bowl. Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick gives Bettis the keys to the city, a city that the mayor apparently has changed the locks to, if you're a Seattle Seahawk.

But enough about that. This isn't so much a column as a list. And it's off the top of my head, folks -- nothing contrived or well thought out. Not that my columns are well thought out, either, but there you have it. What follows are forty names. Excuse me, XL names -- players and coaches that, for whatever reason, pop into my head when I think of these Super Bowls. Some of the games themselves have actually been super, too -- but only a few. But these XL guys have struck my fancy regardless.

I. Joe Montana, because he IS the Super Bowl, as far as I'm concerned.
II. Vince Lombardi, because they named the trophy after him, for goodness sake.
III. Chuck Howley, who won the game's MVP Award in 1971 despite playing on the losing team.
IV. Garo Yepremian, who tried that goofy pass in Super Bowl VI.
V. Mike Bass, who intercepted that goofy pass and took it all the way.
VI. Timmy Smith, who set a Super Bowl single game rushing record and did not much else in his career.
VII. Doug Williams, the first black quarterback to start a Super Bowl. And he won.
VIII. Trent Dilfer, who I still can't believe won a Super Bowl.
IX. Dan Marino, who I still can't believe didn't.
X. Scott Norwood, who has handled the ultimate failure -- a missed kick that would have won the game -- with more class in his pinky than many of his brethren have in their entire beefy bodies.
XI. John Riggins, whose 43-yard touchdown run on 3rd-and-1 sealed XVII for the Redskins.
XII. Max McGee, who proved you can be a little hungover and perform.
XIII. Fred Williamson -- "The Hammer" -- the Kansas City defensive back who bragged he would knock out a Packer or two but who himself got carted off the field.
XIV. Errol Mann, the old Lions kicker who got a chance to win the Big One with the Raiders.
XV. Eddie Murray, another Lions kicker who got his, too -- with the Cowboys.
XVI. Preston Pearson, who won as a running back with the Steelers and the Cowboys.
XVII. Jackie Smith, the veteran tight end, playing in his only Super Bowl, who dropped a sure touchdown that helped the Steelers beat his Cowboys.
XVIII. Terrell Owens, who, for all of his blather, impressed me when he suited up to play XXXIX last year after a major leg injury that normally shelves you for much longer.
XIX. Bubba Paris, a behemoth of a man, the 49'ers offensive tackle, who I once saw on campus at Eastern Michigan and who took up an entire elevator door's space. No joke.
XX. Ickey Woods, he of the "Shuffle" that bore his name.
XXI. The Chicago Bears, who also "Shuffled" in a video late in their Super season of 1985.
XXII. Hank Stram -- rest his soul -- who provided NFL Films and us with wonderful sound bites after agreeing to be miked up in IV.
XXIII. Weeb Ewbank, still the only man to coach two different teams in two different leagues to world's championships (Colts and Jets).
XXIV. Bud Grant, who took his Vikings to four Super Bowls, and who lost them all. Too bad he didn't have the same luck against our Lions.
XXV. The Denver Broncos, whose quarterback always wore #7 in Super Bowls -- Craig Morton and John Elway.
XXVI. Duane Thomas, the Cowboys running back who maintained silence with the media throughout the 1971 season, and who finally spoke in the lockerroom after Dallas won VI. He was asked, "Duane, you had a great game. The team really had the running game going, didn't it?" Thomas replied, "Evidently." Then he shut up again.
XXVII. Leon Lett, whose gaffe of celebrating a fumble return for a touchdown a tad too early would have been the biggest blunder in Super Bowl history if it cost his Cowboys the game. But it didn't, so it's cute.
XXVIII. Joe Namath, who gave semi-private poolside interviews and made pregame guarantees of victory in those crazy late 60's.
XXIX. Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson, the Cowboys linebacker who said Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw was so dumb, "He couldn't spell 'cat' if you spotted him the 'c' and the 't'."
XXX. NBC and CBS, who each covered Super Bowl I. Now, you'd have to have it in two different stadiums to fit all their equipment if you tried such a thing.
XXXI. William "Refrigerator" Perry, the defensive tackle who scored a rushing touchdown in XX because the Bears thought it would be adorable.
XXXII. Walter Payton, the Hall of Fame running back who also played in XX for the Bears, but who wasn't given an opportunity to score a touchdown. Football people didn't think that was so adorable.
XXXIII. Jerry Green -- retired from the Detroit News -- one of only four writers who have covered every Super Bowl played to date. And who certainly won't miss it this time, with the game in his own backyard, even if the city has blocked off its borders like a castle. All that's missing is a moat.
XXXIV. Jerome Bettis, because it would be sacrilege not to mention him, I believe. But who truly is a good guy in a sport that needs them.
XXXV. Jim O'Brien, the rookie kicker who won V with a field goal at the final gun for the Colts.
XXXVI. John Madden, whose verbal pitter-patter I can abide because he won a Super Bowl as a coach.
XXXVII. Mark Washington, the Cowboys cornerback who was victimized twice in spectacular fashion by Steelers wide receiver Lynn Swann in X, but who will always find himself on NFL Films slow-motion footage for his troubles.
XXXVIII. Jim Kelly, the Buffalo Bills quarterback who lost four Super Bowls -- in a row -- but is still a winner in my book.
XXXIX. Al Davis, whose Raiders haven't won the whole enchilada in 22 years and counting. Apparently the Raiders' "Commitment to Excellence' hasn't been all that committed lately -- like for the last two decades.
XL. Joe Montana, who deserves to be mentioned twice.

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