Ahh, Valentine's Day. Time for romance, chocolates, cuddling, and maybe even exchanging "I do's". My parents got married on February 14, back in 1959. We won't get into how it turned out, however.
But save the red roses and cute stuffed animals for your sweetie. Or for yourself, if things are rough on the "significant other" front. Here at "Out of Bounds", there's always room for black roses and bitter chocolates. So without further ado, here is the first annual "Out of Bounds Valentine's Day Virtual Massacre."
Vice President Dick Cheney: "OOB" doesn't usually get political, but this isn't about politics. Today's Freep ran a headline that said "Cheney broke a key hunting rule."
Yeah -- don't shoot your companions. It's considered bad form.
Phoenix Coyotes Assistant Coach Rick Tocchet: With this ring, I thee implicate.
Actress Janet Jones, wife of Wayne Gretzky: Honey, can you pick up a gallon of milk and the over/under on the Celtics-Hornets game on your way home from the rink?
Knicks Coach Larry Brown: No, LB, this isn't a dream -- in more ways than one.
New Raiders Head Coach Art Shell: How does it feel to be, like, the fifth choice?
Da Raiders: Commitment to Pestilence.
Rock Financial's Ubiquitous David Hall: A self-made man in love with his creator.
Former Ohio State Running Back Maurice Clarett: 3rd-and-10 to 20.
Chicago White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen, who skipped the team's White House visit: You know this only happens once every 88 years, don't you?
Colts QB Peyton Manning: Let me tell you about the big one that got away...
Pistons Forward Tayshaun Prince: What a slacker. Everyone else managed to make the All-Star team!
The Winter Olympics: You got your triple salkow in my halfpipe!
Tony Kornheiser, New "MNF" Analyst: What, The Schwab wasn't available?
The Colorado Avalanche: Are they still in the league?
So there you have it. Rinse off the blood on your way out.
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By the way, I didn't watch any Olympics coverage last night as I had promised. I'll try again tonight. Still looking for a helmet and goggles, and pure oxygen.
1 comment:
Wow. That was a flying burrito delivered to David Hall.
By the way, unlike most, I like the choice of Kornheiser in the booth. I liked Dennis Miller too, but unlike Miller, Kornheiser brings sportscasting credibility while still being a bit of an abrasive and polarizing figure. Plus, I think he'll play very well off Theismann (thought much of the time he may make him look stupid, which might be the point). And lastly, I think Tirico, as professional as they come, is the perfect choice to reign them both in. I'm looking forward to it.
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