Missing Out On The Madness, Once Again

Slap me across the face and send me to the woodshed. Stitch a scarlet letter "O" on my shirt, for outcast. If you're asking about my brackets, look elsewhere. I don't know a Winthrop from a Davidson. For as far as sports knowledge and being informative go, the NCAA basketball tournament is my Krypton.

It's been this way for a long time. I haven't gotten caught up in March Madness, really, since Michigan State captured the whole enchilada in 2000. It doesn't disgust me; I don't have anything against it. I just don't get into it.

If you've read me for any length of time -- both thanks and apologies are in order if you have -- you'll know that I'm a pro snob. Always have been. College sports don't wrap me in their tentacles of excitement and pageantry. Something's the matter with me, I know. There's a lot, I'm sure, to like about the college games, but they just don't hold my interest for very long.

I actually considered filling out a bracket the other day, just for fun. But then I remembered that I always -- always -- pick Duke to win the whole thing, so what's the use? Every time I was in one of those office pools, I'd pick Duke. I even picked them when they played my alma mater, Eastern Michigan, in 1996. EMU beat them.

So my brief burst of tourney energy fizzled, and I never did take the 15 minutes to make my wholly uninformed predictions.

The fun is going on without me, and I'm like someone walking past a raucous party going on in a bar. I hear the noise and the hoopla, the rumble growing louder the closer I come to the establishment, and it might be enough for me to stop and peer inside. Then I take a look, grinning at the folks having their jollies -- happy for them but because it doesn't look like my cup of tea, I move on. Maybe I then go into a quiet bookstore and browse.

I'm so boring, I know.

So have fun with your March Madness. Have heart palpitations when schools like Belmont (see, I'm a LITTLE informed) almost beat my perennial choice Duke. Thrill at the upsets, near upsets, and outstanding individual performances. Keep track of your brackets and good luck to you; I hope you win the whole stinking pot.

It'll all go on without me, as usual. I know I'm the one missing out. Feel sorry for me.

One question, though: how come it's called March Madness, if the winner is crowned in April?

Just wondering.