Thursday's Things

(every Thursday at OOB, I rant in list fashion. Last week it was Things The Lions Can Do To Snap Their 0-20 Streak In Washington)

Things The Red Wings Can Do To Fill JLA Again

1. Bring back Score-O. Remember this nifty little game? Three lucky fans (selected if they bought game programs with a special note inside) were brought to the ice surface in the second intermission. Their charge? To shoot a puck from varying spots on the ice (dependent on their age and gender), thru a slot in a wooden "goalie" propped up in front of the cage. They gave away cash and even cars back in the day.

2. Cheerleaders. Hey -- it seems to be the panacea to solve every other attendance issue in other sports. I figure we could call them the Hockeytown Angels (get it? Red WINGS?), and they could do their thing -- on skates -- during TV timeouts.

3. More fighting. And not just by the players. Since the NHL seems reluctant to cooperate, then the first intermission can be similar to Score-O, only in this instance, the selected fans will have to duke it out at center ice for two minutes. Mismatches will be handled by hands tied behind backs, etc.

4. Celebrity Penalty Killer. With the Motor City brimming with national celebrities that hail from around here, why not invite one for each home game to suit up and kill one penalty per game?

5. Post-game fireworks. A la the Tigers at Comerica Park, the Wings could treat their fans to a post-game pyrotechnic display -- but using the same fireworks that you use outdoors. It's fun, AND with the thrill of life-threatening danger. Sounds good to me, and perfect for the hockey fan's mentality.

6. Open skate after games. Ahh, perfect for families. Al Sobotka resurfaces the ice immediately after the game, and people of all ages then take the ice for a leisurely skate. Bonus: On Friday nights, you must be 18 years old or over to skate, and bodychecking is allowed.

7. JLA-to-Windsor Casino Tunnel. Build this, and then you've really got something. No other explanation necessary.

8. Giant Hamsters. Scientists, get cracking. Time to transform these cute, brown little rodents into ones befitting the Habitrail-like tubes that run around the parking garage near the Joe. How thrilling would it be to have to possibly encounter one of these giant creatures on the way from your car to the arena? Bonus: They'd scare off all the ticket scalpers.

They're they are for this week. Talk amongst yourselves. And remember, they're just things.