The Lions will play host to the San Francisco 49'ers, who despite their 9-3 win over Minnesota yesterday have only one thing in common with the glory days of the 80's and 90's: the throwback uniforms they wore against the Vikings. The 49'ers are among the league's dregs, and at 3-5 are a team that the Lions should beat, especially at home.
Which means they won't, most likely.
That's the way it goes with the boys in Honolulu Blue and Silver, you know. Games that look very winnable on the proverbial paper that such things get written down on, are in fact the ones that get them. And the contests that look like, well, NO contest, are the ones they grab and put in the left hand column.
The Lions proved this old codger right, playing uninspired, flat football in losing to the San Francisco 49'ers, 19-13, in a game that wasn't as close as the score indicates. Maybe they were looking ahead to the big Cardinals game at Arizona next week.
But first, a word about the word "flat."
Years ago, seething after a loss to the Bears, defensive lineman Marc Spindler went off on a semi-famous rant when a reporter suggested the Lions had come out flat. What follows is some paraphrasing.
"FLAT? What the hell does that mean, FLAT? We weren't flat. You guys always come in here and use that word, FLAT. FLAT. Were we flat? They KICKED OUR ASS, that's what happened. FLAT!"
It wasn't quite as notorious as Colts coach Jim Mora's "PLAYOFFS?" postgame presser, but Spindler's blast-off was quite entertaining.
Now, as far as that word "flat" as it relates to the Lions yesterday, it's kind of like art. I'm not sure what I like, but I'll know it when I see it. And I saw it yesterday at Ford Field.
Absent.
The Lions weren't anywhere to be found when the roll call was announced Sunday. If yesterday's game was a movie scene, it would have been the moment in Ferris Bueller's Day Off when Ben Stein's teacher character took attendance and said, "Bueller....Bueller...Bueller," while the camera focused on Ferris' empty chair. So close your eyes and imagine Stein: "Lions...Lions....Lions?"
"Jones? Furrey? Run defense? Anyone?"
Works for me.
How a team like the Detroit Lions can play as if the 3-5 49'ers would somehow be intimidated by the Ford Field environs and act enthralled by the 2-6 occupants that play there, I don't know. But that's the thought that ran through my mind, like Frank Gore through the Lions defense: "My goodness, the Lions have taken the 49'ers lightly!"
"They flew across the country and handed it to us," receiver Roy Williams said, eschewing his bravado and rose colored views after the game.
But not all Lions inhabit our planet.
"We're better than that. Everyone knows we're better than that," tight end Dan Campbell said.
Please. Stop.
No, you're not, Dan. You may be predictable -- losing a game to a suspect opponent and squandering an opportunity for improvement in the process -- but that does not equate to being better than anything.
The only thing the Lions are better than anyone at is being out to lunch when Opportunity comes a knockin'.
"Bueller....Bueller....Lions?"
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