If it was a football game, they'd still be playing it.
There'd be so much yellow laundry on the field, it would look like the "before" in a Tide commercial.
The referee's voice would be hoarse from announcing infractions to the viewing audience.
We even had the requisite, overly-long replay consultations.
The Red Wings and the Oilers engaged in a playoff tussle last night -- the Detroiters won, 4-2 to even the best-of-seven series at two games apiece -- but there were so many penalties, so many power plays to capitalize on, so many kills to be made, that I swear I saw Lions special teams coach Chuck Priefer hustling down to the Red Wings bench area, to lend some advice.
Oops -- I think I may have just drawn a whistle. Or maybe it was you, for diving -- for cover from this blog.
The teams played 60 minutes last night, and I think about 1:33 was spent at 5-on-5. Before the "new" NHL, a 5-on-3 in the playoffs was about as frequent as dead air during a "Coaches Corner" segment with Don Cherry. Last night, and in this series, 5-on-3's have been so prevalent, it's as if the referees are trying to make up for lost time.
I'm glad the Red Wings won, of course, but how do we know how well they played when all we saw were their special teams? I mean, I think for that 1:33 of 5-on-5 they were pretty decent, but who the heck really knows?
Ironically, it was partly because of a non-call -- the CORRECT non-call, by the way -- that the Wings won last night. Defenseman Nick Lidstrom, with a veteran's subtlety, picked Oilers penalty killer Jarrett Stoll just enough at the blueline to create some room, and seconds later he one-timed a slapper -- on a 5-on-3, natch -- to give the Red Wings a 3-2 lead in the third period. I found it comical that our trustworthy TV announcers -- Ken Daniels and Mickey Redmond -- kept trying to tell us that Lidstrom was trying to "get out of the way." As if they were afraid the league's minions in the replay booth were listening in. Lidstrom knew exactly what he was doing -- cutting Stoll off at the pass -- and he did it wonderfully.
Speaking of the bozos upstairs -- NOT Daniels and Redmond, but the NHL's replay officials -- how long does it take to make a freaking call, anyway? The trio of shirts and ties spent so much time looking at the Red Wings' go-ahead goal late in the first period that I thought they were going to start sending for pizza, beer, and a TV Guide. I'm pretty sure at one point, the cameras caught them watching another play entirely. No joke. Regardless, they conferred forEVER, eventually awarding the goal to Niklas Kronwall. And I'm not sure that was even correct, because I thought the puck caromed off an Oiler.
How come we can make the correct call at home in 20 seconds, and it takes Larry, Moe, and Curly five minutes? It's been like that the entire series. Remember Kirk Maltby's tying goal in the third period of Game 1? The one that bounced off his legally held stick? I saw that replay ONCE and I made the correct call, mainly because it was the only call you could make -- straight from Refereeing 101. But the NHL's Three Stooges watched the play over, and over, and over. In fact, thanks to them, I think Maltby's goal now has the second-most reruns in TV history, just behind "I Love Lucy."
Maybe it is the pizza, beer, and TV Guide. After all, we have that at home and they don't have it upstairs.
Redmond afterward called the officiating a "disgrace to the NHL."
"You won't see these guys [the referees in Game 4] much anymore," Redmond said.
I hope not. The penalty box door's hinges is going to need WD 40, forthwith.
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