The More Things Change......

"Meet the new boss....same as the old boss."
-- The Who, "Baba O’Reilly"


First let me say this about the Lions’ 21-16 loss to Minnesota yesterday at Ford Field: only the Vikings.

Let me explain.

Those of you who frequent this little blog, and who know me personally, are aware that I have a profound disdain for the Minnesota Vikings football team. It is a hatred that runs deep and has as its roots the beating, like a drum, the Vikes gave the Lions in the 70’s, forever keeping the boys in Honolulu Blue and Silver in second place -- and out of the playoffs most of the time -- in the NFC Central.

And you also may remember my post from Friday, when I beseeched the Lions to throw a "bombarooski" -- thank you, coach Bum Phillips -- on their first play from scrimmage. I said such a bold call -- a long bomb -- would do wonders for our boys and the fans, for several reasons that I outlined.

So naturally, those #$%#! Vikings stole my play call. It was the wrong 36 year-old (give or take a few months) -- Brad Johnson, not Jeff Garcia -- heaving the long ball on play #1, and it turned into -- of course -- an 80-yard touchdown pass. Mike Tice listens to me, so why won’t Greg Olson or Dick Jauron?

Actually, Olson, the new (sorta) offensive coordinator, who is on the same five-game tryout as Jauron, tried a technique that I don’t think I’ve seen from other NFL teams. It’s called "Using Your Wide Receivers As Decoys." The Lions’ passing game consisted of Garcia dancing around in the pocket and dumping it off to Shawn Bryson or Artose Pinner coming out of the backfield. If Jeff Garcia so much as looked at a wide receiver all afternoon, save the final, desperate-but-doomed-to-fail drive, then I’m a monkey’s uncle. And I’m an only child.

Olson, given the power to call plays by interim coach Jauron, treated such power as if it was the keys to his dad’s shiny new sports car (or, in the Lions’ case, an Edsel). He didn’t dare risk so much as a scratch. Granted, the team was without running back Kevin Jones, but when it came to the play-calling, I’ve seen more creativity on an invoice. I mean, are the Lions’ receivers really that bad when it comes to getting open? I know the offensive line isn’t the greatest, but where are all the slants and quick patterns that are supposed to be the hallmark of the West Coast Offense? It’s an incredibly shrinking playbook, the Lions’ one is, and you wonder if by the time the season comes to a merciful end, if there will be any plays left to call at all.

Despite the offensive offense, the Lions had a shot at the end because their defense played well enough to keep the score close. Although, sometimes I wonder if the other team doesn’t just either toy with our boys, or simply play down to their level. Lions’ opponents this year, even though they outclass them in many aspects, seem to just play well enough to beat them. If you look at the season, the Lions haven’t really been badly blown out, except in Week 2 against the Bears, and on Thanksgiving Day against the Falcons.

Speaking of the Bears, when will the Lions have that breakout, nobody-expected-anything year? When will they defy the experts and the odds and what’s on paper and injuries and play like they’ve sold their souls to the devil, like the Bears are doing now? Who on God’s green earth thought Da Bears would be 9-3 with a rookie quarterback? Yeah, yeah -- their defense is good. Still, they’re doing in Chicago that which is never done in Detroit. Maybe the 12-4, 1991 season might qualify. Nobody expected 12 wins out of the Lions in ‘91, who were coming off seasons of four, seven and six wins in ‘88-90. Regardless, I’m sick of watching other teams come out of nowhere and take the league by storm. The Lions come from nowhere and stay there.

The Detroit Lions are regressing horribly as a team, and they are staring 4-12 square in the face, which, if you recall, is what I predicted -- albeit in anger -- after attending a portion of the Monday Night Massacre against the Rams on August 29. They are headed for a finish that is sure to be ugly enough to call for an entire housecleaning of the current coaching staff. Don’t EVEN talk to me about Matt Millen, because he ain’t going anywhere, folks. Just like the football team he commandeers.

It also makes me want to say "SHAME on you" to the Packers, Ravens, Browns and Cardinals -- the four teams the Lions defeated this season. How any team could have fallen into defeat at the hands of our motley crew is beyond me. But again, the Lions are the portrait of regression, so I guess we’ll just chalk it up to "They were better when they beat us". Whatever makes you sleep at night, guys.

The Lions next play at Green Bay, where they haven’t won since 1991. Even if they pull it out, leave it to the Lions to make even that victory shallow, because they will have done it when the Packers are having a horrible season themselves and it won’t mean as much to beat the Packers in Lambeau Field because just about everyone is doing it nowadays.

By the way, that game in Green Bay is ESPN’s featured tilt on Sunday Night Football. Cable companies everywhere better get ready to refund their customers three hours worth of ESPN for the month. Maybe they can black the game out -- everywhere.