Friday, May 05, 2006

Tigers Haven't Turned The Corner Until They Win In The Metrodome

You know, they never did ask Hubert H. Humphrey what he thought a stadium bearing his name should look like. I don't care if he was dead when they built it. They should have channeled him somehow.

Maybe a seance would have helped the folks in Minneapolis, because instead they ended up building one of the most putrid sports venues in history.

The HHH Metrodome is God-awful, and maybe I'm a little more incorrigible because our teams in baseball and football have fared so poorly in that Hefty bag-infested plastic bubble.


The Tigers, for all of their deserved accolades for their nifty 19-10 start, still have some proving to do. For if they can take two out of three from the Twins this weekend in the Dome, then the right foot that I have dragging along the ground will officially be lifted and will join the rest of my body on the Tigers' bandwagon.

Yeah, I know the Tigers engaged in a systematic, total, complete, bazooka-filled annihilation of the Twins last weekend in Detroit -- outscoring them 33-1 for the three games. I know the Twins are but a shell of their former selves -- the ones that have used the Tigers as their personal punching bag during this decade, and prior. And I know the Tigers themselves are a different bunch than the motley group masquerading as major league players recently.

But the Metrodome is a funny place. And I don't mean funny as in "ha-ha." I mean funny as in...not funny at all. So the Metrodome is funny the same way a fat guy is named Tiny. Strange things happen inside of its teflon roof. Let's face it: Had the Twins not had home field advantage in 1987 or 1991 -- years in which they didn't deserve such an advantage, due to their regular season record -- they wouldn't have won either of those World Series championships. They are, in my mind, paper titles. Or maybe, to be more appropriate -- plastic titles.

The Lions have been terrible, and haven't won much on the road in recent years, but even when they managed a few victories away from home, there was always a loss in Minnesota on their record. Usually, in a different fashion every time.

The Tigers have done even worse amongst the big, black Baggies. Their winning percentage in Minnesota is closer to the Mendoza Line than anywhere near .500. Again, even before the teams they fielded were in the toilet, the Tigers had trouble peroforming under the Dome's shiny lights.

So before we can declare the Tigers a different team, let's see them win a couple in the Metrodome this weekend.

Even Hubert would want that. He was a fair, decent sort.


Ozz said...

First of all, fuck the Metrodome for taking Billy Sims from us!

A few seasons back, I went to see the Tigers play the Twins in the Dome. It was a beautiful summer Sunday afternoon.

Even though the Tigers lost, when I walked outside, my first thought was 'this would've been the perfect day to spend at a BALLPARK'!

Ian C. said...

I've been to my share of major league ballparks over the years. The Metrodome is easily the worst. It's sterile, with ZERO personality. (At least Skydome/Rogers Centre has a "space age" feel to it.) I'm glad to see that Minneapolis will apparently be getting a new ballpark.

But man, the Tigers should've taken two out of three this weekend. Losing to Santana yesterday is certainly no sin. But Saturday night's loss seemed especially painful with Jones blowing it in the ninth. They had that game.