Thursday's Things

(every Thursday at OOB I rant in list fashion. Last week it was Things That Could Derail The Patriots' Bid To Go 16-0)

Things That Have To Happen For The Lions To Make The Playoffs

1. Finish the season 3-0. May as well list the most unlikely thing first.

2. Finish the season 2-1. May as well list the second most unlikely thing second.

3. Finish the season 2-1 and hope the rest of the NFC loses all their games from here on out. This is still more likely to happen than No. 1.

4. Hire Wayne Fontes as interim coach. Don't laugh. Wayne-O batted .500 in making the playoffs in his eight full seasons.

5. Bring in Bobby Ross, Monte Clark, and Marty Mornhinweg to make an impassioned, "See you at the cemetery because while the bar is high, I don't coach that stuff!" speech.

6. Induce labor so Shaun Rogers can finally pop out that Big Baby that he's carrying.

7. Put Mike Furrey and Calvin Johnson on milk cartons, pronto.

8. Wish that we could do the same with Mike Martz.

9. Find Notre Dame's "Rudy" and have him give the Lions' kickoff cover team a pep talk.

10. Hope that George Mitchell's steroids report somehow includes the Dallas Cowboys, Green Bay Packers, Seattle Seahawks, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Minnesota Vikings, and Washington Redskins.